• Johann
  • 注册于:2004-09-20
  • 帖子:10060
发表于: 1/05/2006 17:43 发表主题:
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support

Annie 写到:
guts feeling: bad guy. if i were your wife, divorce tonight.
technical solution: if your wife decides by herself not to keep the baby, you can go to planned parenthood to ask about possible ways. you (i mean you, shen wu fen wen) gotta bear in mind that abortion takes the heck out of a woman. it's not like removing a tooth, man. compared to the physical and mental hardship she has to go through, cost and job are indeed nominal.

  • Annie
  • 注册于:2004-09-20
  • 帖子:7448
发表于: 1/05/2006 17:54 发表主题:
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mai tou gong zuo hao ji tian
ying wen jin bu hen ming xian
de dao yue han de ken ding
xin li gan dao hen gao xing
Johann 写到:
support

Annie 写到:
guts feeling: bad guy. if i were your wife, divorce tonight.
technical solution: if your wife decides by herself not to keep the baby, you can go to planned parenthood to ask about possible ways. you (i mean you, shen wu fen wen) gotta bear in mind that abortion takes the heck out of a woman. it's not like removing a tooth, man. compared to the physical and mental hardship she has to go through, cost and job are indeed nominal.

  • WoJian
  • 注册于:2005-01-19
  • 帖子:13725
发表于: 1/05/2006 17:54 发表主题:
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Annie 写到:
guts feeling: bad guy. if i were your wife, divorce tonight.
technical advice: if your wife decides by herself not to keep the baby, you can go to planned parenthood to ask about possible ways. you (i mean you, shen wu fen wen) gotta bear in mind that abortion takes the heck out of a woman. it's not like removing a tooth, man. compared to the physical and mental hardship she has to go through, cost and job are indeed nominal.


人家身无分文还是满可怜的.男人没有工作的压力还是有所不同的,再加上很多事情人家刚来都是按照国内的观念想问题,还是要多教教他的好.能否教好当然要看以后表现了.

Annie说得对,要不要孩子主要还是母亲的选择和决定.
_________________
全世界变暖,原来不是气温更高,而是水分蒸发加快,旱灾水灾雪灾加重,天气大起大伏。

---我见 :)

发表于: 1/05/2006 19:19 发表主题:
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Annie 写到:
guts feeling: bad guy. if i were your wife, divorce tonight.
technical advice: if your wife decides by herself not to keep the baby, you can go to planned parenthood to ask about possible ways. you (i mean you, shen wu fen wen) gotta bear in mind that abortion takes the heck out of a woman. it's not like removing a tooth, man. compared to the physical and mental hardship she has to go through, cost and job are indeed nominal.


就是

  • Annie
  • 注册于:2004-09-20
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发表于: 1/05/2006 19:31 发表主题:
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peachleaf 写到:
就是

  • Annie
  • 注册于:2004-09-20
  • 帖子:7448
发表于: 1/05/2006 19:35 发表主题:
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Agree with your point on 刚来都是按照国内的观念想问题

WoJian 写到:
人家身无分文还是满可怜的.男人没有工作的压力还是有所不同的,再加上很多事情人家刚来都是按照国内的观念想问题,还是要多教教他的好.能否教好当然要看以后表现了.

Annie说得对,要不要孩子主要还是母亲的选择和决定.

发表于: 1/05/2006 20:04 发表主题:
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WoJian 写到:

人家身无分文还是满可怜的.男人没有工作的压力还是有所不同的,再加上很多事情人家刚来都是按照国内的观念想问题,还是要多教教他的好.能否教好当然要看以后表现了.

Annie说得对,要不要孩子主要还是母亲的选择和决定.


同意,应该以说服教育为主
_________________
赠君一法决狐疑,不用钻龟与祝蓍。

  • xy
  • 注册于:2004-09-20
  • 帖子:2525
  • 所在地: MA
发表于: 1/05/2006 20:06 发表主题:
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就是, 不能走极端, 一棍子就把人打死 Laughing
发表于: 1/05/2006 20:50 发表主题:
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我觉得身无分文如果不care妻子,加之具体困难,就不会请教很急的问题了。缺乏经验,情况特殊,无可厚非的,提一些建设意见就行了。
  • Nike
  • 注册于:2005-07-25
  • 帖子:2596
  • 所在地: Boston
发表于: 1/05/2006 21:07 发表主题:
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support 觉得Annie言重了。

我不觉得身无分文是背着老婆,他是代表老婆和自己向大家请教。来美国时间久的XDJM应该帮助他们认清主要矛盾。

身无分文忽然说起强磁场,让我感觉有些不爽。但基本上是个好同志。


xy 写到:
就是, 不能走极端, 一棍子就把人打死 Laughing

发表于: 1/05/2006 21:12 发表主题:
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sunflower 写到:
我觉得身无分文如果不care妻子,加之具体困难,就不会请教很急的问题了。缺乏经验,情况特殊,无可厚非的,提一些建设意见就行了。


算我多嘴....
俺觉得这也许是说话的技巧问题,如果楼主一上来就把事情说清楚,说明白他有多在乎自己的太太,那么建设性的意见会更多。现在回头看看楼主发的几个帖子,越看越觉得不爽
  • coco
  • 注册于:2004-09-20
  • 帖子:855
发表于: 1/05/2006 21:37 发表主题:
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support support support
家家有本难念的经

sunflower 写到:
我觉得身无分文如果不care妻子,加之具体困难,就不会请教很急的问题了。缺乏经验,情况特殊,无可厚非的,提一些建设意见就行了

  • Annie
  • 注册于:2004-09-20
  • 帖子:7448
发表于: 1/05/2006 22:37 发表主题:
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'bad buy' was my gut feeling based on what's posted, and so I said. 就事论事,nothing personal there and no offense intended. it's fine with me that some men disagree. i stick to what i said and hope you can read and remember the second paragraph, which is obviously more important and elaborated in this case.
  • ayu
  • 注册于:2004-09-20
  • 帖子:2348
发表于: 1/05/2006 22:49 发表主题:
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support The most important thing for you is to provide physical and mental support to your wife. I know a woman who has 3 kids within 5 years but she still gets to keep her job. Comparing to other people, she and her husband earn little money; live in a tiny and crowded apartment. Sometimes she complains that she can't go shopping, dining out, or travelling. But life for them are not bad at all as long as they are working together and trying their best effort to support the family. Life is good.

Greentea 写到:
强烈反对流产 :!:

休两三个月产假应该没问题。
从未听说老板因为这个赶人的例子,至少在孩子出生后半年一年内不会。
当然,如果你太太做母亲后,工作performance一直落后太多,老板不会愿意长期keep她的。孩子出生后,你当好贤夫良父,让太太尽量少分心,非常非常重要!
做女人,干点儿事业,真不易frustrated 你要好好爱护她 support

发表于: 1/06/2006 11:43 发表主题:
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我觉得咱们很多人在美国时间长了,对这个国家的文化心理和自我的权力比较明确了,其中很多人有了绿卡或成为了公民,心里的安全感也就强了。

但我可以理解每个人都有一个过程。尤其是刚刚来这个国家还是不容易的,尤其是对自己的权益不清楚,经济上和身份上都没有保证,想事情做事情就会胆小怕事。我想身无分文可能也是因为妻子出来陪着来的,那也是挺支持妻子的了,妻子可能想要又害怕老板赶人。他呢,对各种情况也不了解,就出来问大家。我觉得我们还是为他们多介绍一些这些国家的情况,比如说他老婆可以到自己工作的网站和人事处(HR) 去搞明白自己的权益:作为博士后有多少产假。她的单位应该还有 Ergonomic Group, 询问一下如何保护健康:比如放射性,计算机放射性等等等。在心理上不要害怕,这个国家是一个很尊重个人权利的国家,除非老板很坏 (but if he is a bad person, your wife probably does not want to stay there long anyways),怀孕生孩子是人之常情,你如果担心可以让老婆跟老板约一下,或者她自己,或你们俩人和老板谈一下,不要太抱歉,但可以交流一下你们的担心:说怀孕 is unexpected. And now my wife feels a little uncomfortable that it happened at the start of the position, but she does want the child. We want your understanding and support and I believe she will do her job well. And I will help her in whatever way I can. 人心换人心,我想这样你们可能心里都踏实一点。- 不过要选择一下什么时候谈 - 至少怀孕三个月后吧?

身无分文可能在此期间需要找个工作,我没经验。你如果需要这方面的帮助应该把你学历背景介绍一下,如果和你老婆同行,跟她老板谈话时就表明如果有technician position 的话你愿意做。想办法挣点钱。


非常同意Anne关于流产对女人身心健康的议论,但我也有女友因为正在经历学习压力很大的阶段自己受不了,不要了,倒是她老公想要, 很失望。

我感觉身无分文的老婆有心理上的顾虑,我是觉得直接跟老板谈一下可能会减轻她的压力。但你们自己根据情况决定吧。

我觉得要避免的是对别人人品的judgement。我觉得这样很不好(we each one is not in the position to judge others),可以给别人帮助,可以反对别人的观点但不要做人品上的judgement. I don't think it is fair.

They need help not judgement. I have gone through a very difficult time in the earlier years being in this country, both emotionally and financially so I understand their difficulty. And they need to go through a process to stand up. Let's help them if we can.

此外,身无分文,波城有许多中国人的教会,我想对你们会有很大的实际的帮助。我没有宗教信仰,但我知道一个很好,如有兴趣给我个人发短信。你住得附近有没有,中国人的美国人的都可以去,从中也能更快了解美国社会文化。

rose rose rose


最后进行编辑的是 wildcrane on 1/06/2006 12:26, 总计第 1 次编辑
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