Working in the shadow 12/19/2006 14:35
A typical work place complication hits me again:

The responsibility falls upon me therefore I need to take the lead, however the old lead wants to keep me in the shadow. 打你

Being political or not being political, it is the dilemma between sense and sensibility once more. frustrated
如果爬山是一种强迫症,那我肯定是病到一定程度了,虽然可能不如 blueZ 病的重。

下午在公司里百无聊赖,看着窗外风和日丽,突然意识到今天是周六,而我却在公司里,真是越工作越退步了,遂决定去爬山。

大概二十分钟之后,我身着便装手拿一杯 Dunken Donuts coffee 走上了 red dot trail。遥想当年看一白MM穿拖鞋走 Blue Hill,我这身装束实在小巫见大巫。

Blue Hill 依然没什么可取之处,而且我与落山的夕阳赛跑,很快就败下阵来,从警察局往回走的时候,光突突的树林已经沉浸在暮色之中了。

我延自行车道抄了一段近路,回到 Eliot tower 的时候已经基本看不清 trail 标志了,又赫然看到一个人从塔楼里鬼鬼祟祟的向外张望,确实吓了我一跳。 Surprised 不过想必我也吓了他一跳吧。 happy

延 red dot 的另一半摸索着走,越过马路的时候,找我明天吃饭的电话又吓了我一跳。 Surprised 虽然这个山爬过太多次,就算没有 trail 标志我也能走出来,但那种来自于自然的镇定心态几乎没有了,跑到趴车场的时候竟然有种松了口气的感觉。 frustrated

总结经验教训,就是今年从一线领导位置上退下来之后,屈服于群众舆论压力,山爬的太少。 打你


爬山是一种对己有利对人最起码无害的活动。好多其他活动也满足这个标准。如果坚持这样的活动被认为是不合群或是强迫症,那么迫于言论压力放弃这类活动就和自虐差不多了。两害取其轻,还是应该选择前者。

我有个缺点:对于周围环境给我的正面影响,我经常不知不觉的接受;而对于负面影响,往往非常敏感。结果就是,我往往需要努力改变我的思维或行为方式迎合负面的影响。

比如,小学的时候,某老师由于居心不良,常常批评我独生子娇生惯养不爱劳动,以至于本来比大家勤快的我更加任劳任怨,还常常有负罪感。这个创伤直到我长大了很多,可以一定程度上冷静客观分析之后才痊愈了。我现在知道,诸如”某某某不象独生子女“这类的赞誉,往往和”某某某不象上海人“这类说法差不多,来自于无知而已。

但人长大了,未必就不犯已经犯过并改正的错误。

如了解我的人应该知道我是个 positive 的人。但我的言行往往 apear to be negative,就是善于说坏话作坏事。为了迎合舆论,我竟然在一段时间里有意在言行上 positive,结果不但言行没变得有 positive,还丢掉了不少自信,常常 confused 为什么还有人说我 negative 呢?

又比如我对人本来是友善的,但有同学批评我电话里不够和蔼。我竟然试图改变我打电话的方式。当然是事倍功负,不但没和蔼起来,原来简单明了传递信息的方式也快忘了。

又比如我对工作的态度比绝大多数人都严肃,工作也比绝大多数人都努力,但由于我发表的一些诚实客观的言论,有些同学竟然认为我是公司的蛀虫一类,而我竟然也有意无意的迎合这些言论,假装要延长工作时间。这直接导致了我工作效率的下降。

这样的例子还有很多。


现在想来,这些实在是很愚蠢的。为什么这么在乎群众舆论呢?为什么要减少爬山故作积极向上假扮和蔼可亲呢? 为什么我的方式就一定错呢?打你

我决定,从今开始,我将继续 ignor 毫无根据的”批评帮助“,继续积极参加自己喜爱的活动,继续坚持我的开门见山的打电话方式,继续以二混子的方式兢兢业业,继续以我 negative 的方式作一个 positive 的人。 Success
想出去饮茶未果,写篇读后感。

“Sensible Decisions : Issues of Rational Decision in Personal Choice and Public Policy” by Nicholas Rescher

书中的好多观点很有意思,而我对以下两个印象最深。

第一,理性思维中的 tautaulogy,即自己证明自己,不但是不可避免的,而且是恰当的。书中的论证立足于人生有限这个事实,借用了哥德尔的鸽笼原理,有些牵强附会,大概是欺负大部分学哲学的人不懂数学吧。但引起了我的一点儿共鸣。曾经在一本经济杂志上看到某CEO答记者问记录,他的公司的charter 上几个actions首尾相连作圆圈状。记者问 这一个圈无始无终,从哪儿入手啊?CEO说,从哪入手不重要,重要的是进入圈之中。

纯粹的一维的理性思维,如书中所说,可能真的不存在。而自己证明自己的怪圈,倒可能正是理性思维的真正形式。

第二,以公理体系为基础的理性思维,其实是基于感性思维的,而这主要体现在对公理的承认上。书中有个比喻,说理性和感性思维的 path,其实是并驾齐驱的。一个人想进行理性思维,就要在某一点上完成从感性到理性的跨越,而跨越的途径就是常说的 common sense。换句话说,没有 common sense 的人,就不可能进行理性思维。

推广一下,理性和感性思维或许都可以达到目的,而且在到达目的的过程中,从此到彼的迁跃也可以不止一次。就象爬山的时候沿溪流而上,时而需要在一边走,时而需要在另一边走。到底在哪边走,到底在那里过河,这是由好多因素决定的。只认定在一边走,很有可能永远到不了目的地;而在不恰当的地方过河,又会有生命危险。
从 job security 说起 11/03/2006 12:22
昨天公司派了一位大员和大家 round-table。

有一 engineer 提了个问题,说最近 Bangalolo 来了几个人学习系统的 setup,是不是要抢他的饭碗啊? Laughing

大员语重心长的说,这种担心实在是没有必要,又强调了美国 unit 干的活都是前沿的具有主导地位的,印度民工都是些 coder 而已。 Laughing


其实这里的大部分员工有饭碗,应该感谢美国市场的封闭性。否则这点儿破烂,就算印度中国民工做不出来,日本肯定是可以多快好省的作出来的。

美国对待好多事情的态度,包括宗教民主经济环保等等等等,都是从极度自私的角度出发的,而不是追求什么真正的 justice。这很值得中国学习。

真正的 security 在于 set the rules,不在于 follow the rules。
bamboo ceiling at play 11/02/2006 13:08
吃中饭,得知一老中和老美是十年前研究生时候在同一老板手下干活的。

老美现在作 architect,老中还在作 engineer 。

老美比老中内向,老中的手艺也不比老美差,老中的英语也在老中里面算好的,但就是爬不上去。

没有别的原因,只是 bamboo ceiling at play。
About happiness 10/29/2006 22:33
Today I went to my friend's new house and have a hearty drink, then enjoyed the top grade Wulong tea.

Happiness is very simple - it is about spending time and building the future with someone who you love and who loves you, and is not about sitting in front of a PC monitor bullshitting "批评与自我批评“。
发贴 10/29/2006 00:58
今天朋友们借用我的ID发了几贴,感觉比我自己发的好多了。好久没这么 happy 了。
“Holy waist line.” 一 engineer 看到并奔向一盒 donuts 时如是说。

“Free shit goes fast." 同一 engineer 端着纸盘子欲拿一 slice of pizza ,却发现 pizza is all gone 之后说。



大家公司的 cafeteria 里有什么好玩的 trash talk 吗?
Concert tonight 10/20/2006 00:06
It is impossible for me to enjoy the works of Berlioz. This is proved again tonight. Five movements altogether, too long, and the 3rd movement is just boring. I probably need to increase the intensity of my gym activities to become physically therefore mentally stronger to live through his fantasy.

BostonPhil once again proves itself to be a second class orchestra - even Ravel's serene piece sounds dis-organized, which is a difficult effect to accomplish by the way.

And Rodrigo's Concierto de Aranjuez? You can hear, see, and feel Sharon's upset. frustrated
Indian food and engineer 10/17/2006 15:46
中午和一个 Indian girl 吃饭,顺便夸了夸她带的薄饼.

“I like Nan, it is similar to the one that we have in Peking Duck restaurant. " I said.

"No, this is not Nan, this is @#$$#44dtekr%$3!".

"Eh..., did you make them yourself?"

"Yes. But you can also get it from India store, in the refreg section. Nan is different, it has to be cooked in a oven, with yeast, ...."

"I have been to India gorcery several times, but always get confused by those spices."

"Oh, yeah, we use a lot of different spices. For example, for this dish I use about 8 or 9 spices, combined, let it rest for 2 hours, ......"

"That's a lot of time"

"Yes, usu 3 hours to make." ......(about 3 minutes later) ...... "... and you need an Intel CPU, format the disk in such and such way, and mount the CD ROM, and boot from there. But that is not what we need. Loading this to the laptop is tricky. The new OS does not work with the new code, so we have to use the old OS, but it is not compatible with the new hardware, so we have to turn off that param during bootup, but it does not work the way I expected when turning it off, so I called Srini, and he gives a list of things for me to try. I tried, but I cannot because I don't know the admin password of that server, so I called him again, and he does not know either, so he told me another trick. You know he likes to tweak things, he used to have that old PC that he make such and such changes ......" cry


Lesson learned: Never talk to Indian software engineer about cooking - it reminds them about software engineering.
Surfing the Internet from home for about 2 hours yesterday, and I found out there are 82 attempts (multiple attempts from the same source IP counted as one) to take over my laptop. Laughing

"You don't feel lonely in front of a PC when you realize there are hundreds of people "working" with you." - My former collegue



Forget to add: yesterday I went to Burlington Mall to have an Indian meal at its food court. The guy in front of me is a Chinese, but he speaks fluent Hindi. Surprised 牛 (That's my guess. Or maybe he even share the same dialect with the owner of the food stand..., that may be too wild a thought.)

This is a first for me. And it seems it is a first for the food-stand owner as well - that startling look on his face. Surprised happy

The story tells us: A lot of things are possible.
The second movement, Andante, is simple yet so moving. This is going to be another master piece that I will listen to over and over again.
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