决非挖坑: 借钱与被借钱 9/01/2009 16:16
在网上空谈容易,处理现实中的人情世故才真难。

碰上令我为难的事了,请教阅历丰富的网友们,该怎么办?

有个朋友开口跟我借钱,数千美刀。我很穷,可也不是拿不出这笔钱,就因为穷所以我一没房贷二不炒股三不买资金,拥有的一点可怜的“财产”全是saving里的cash。借还是不借?

我有心理阴影。几年前,也是有个朋友跟我借钱,5千刀,说是几个月内就还上。那时我没经历过什么事,一点没犹豫就借人了。之后那个朋友就开始躲我,电话电邮都找不着人,她跟别的朋友也不联系。搞得我upset了很长一段时间,给父母办探亲签证的事耽搁了,因为我银行账号上的存款暂时不够给父母做担保的。后来从别人那里听说关于她的事,她跟别人也借过钱,跟我借钱的理由是假的编造的。万幸的是,人间蒸发一年半多后,她突然冒出来,把钱还我了,支支吾吾说了一堆不是很convincing的拖欠的理由。但是,信任没了,朋友情谊也到头了,我们再没任何交往。

有了上次的经历,我是不大情愿借钱给人了。可是,这个朋友开口了,又不好意思跟她说NO,万一她是好人呢,岂不伤了朋友情谊?

大家有跟人借钱或被借钱的经历吗?跟别人借钱的,什么心态?被人借钱的,都怎么能处理的,怎么能确保借钱给别人人家肯定会还?

大伙儿帮我出出主意吧。谢谢谢谢啦 感动
说不借就完了。
估计你有闲钱问你借然后你不借就不跟你做朋友的人,老早就好不要做朋友了
要是你不借仍然有朋友做,这样的人可以做朋友
开会 at 9/01/2009 16:21 快速引用
把你的现况直接跟朋友说清楚吧。如果是真心的朋友应该不会在意的。
FreeStuff at 9/01/2009 16:21 快速引用
设个底线,
比如,
借的钱 > 你的总资产的1%
直接说
拒了就得了
xy at 9/01/2009 16:22 快速引用
Say no,除非危及生命的。你朋友给你什么理由?
Quincy08 at 9/01/2009 16:22 快速引用
开会 :
说不借就完了。
估计你有闲钱问你借然后你不借就不跟你做朋友的人,老早就好不要做朋友了
要是你不借仍然有朋友做,这样的人可以做朋友

I really hope every girl is as reasonable as you, mm 感动
xinyu at 9/01/2009 16:26 快速引用
为什么借钱啊?
先说说理由.
元宝 at 9/01/2009 16:27 快速引用
This has to be evaluated case by case.
xiaoqiang at 9/01/2009 16:29 快速引用
你不会说你没钱么? 说钱拿去给妈妈买股票了.不会得罪人的.
元宝 at 9/01/2009 16:29 快速引用
FreeStuff :
把你的现况直接跟朋友说清楚吧。如果是真心的朋友应该不会在意的。

thanks, mm. your point is same as 开会's. are you sure 真心的朋友不会在意的? cry
xinyu at 9/01/2009 16:29 快速引用
xy :
设个底线,
比如,
借的钱 > 你的总资产的1%
直接说
拒了就得了

the amount is > 10% of my 总资产. Sad but I still feel it so hard to say No firmly. can I ask her to sign a contact or some paper work?
xinyu at 9/01/2009 16:31 快速引用
同意

xy :
设个底线,
比如,
借的钱 > 你的总资产的1%
直接说
拒了就得了
xiaoqiang at 9/01/2009 16:31 快速引用
元宝 :
为什么借钱啊?
先说说理由.

she said her mom was hospitalized in China and she needs money to pay the hospital bill.
the problem is that the other friend who borrowed money from me years ago raised the same excuse 我晕 the only difference is that it's the daddy who was hospitalized in that friend's story.
xinyu at 9/01/2009 16:33 快速引用
xinyu :
元宝 :
为什么借钱啊?
先说说理由.

she said her mom was hospitalized in China and she needs money to pay the hospital bill.
the problem is that the other friend who borrowed money from me years ago raised the same excuse 我晕 the only difference is that it's the daddy who was hospitalized in that friend's story.



借吧.
元宝 at 9/01/2009 16:35 快速引用
Lend half.

元宝 :
xinyu :
元宝 :
为什么借钱啊?
先说说理由.

she said her mom was hospitalized in China and she needs money to pay the hospital bill.
the problem is that the other friend who borrowed money from me years ago raised the same excuse 我晕 the only difference is that it's the daddy who was hospitalized in that friend's story.



借吧.
xiaoqiang at 9/01/2009 16:36 快速引用
元宝 :
xinyu :
元宝 :
为什么借钱啊?
先说说理由.

she said her mom was hospitalized in China and she needs money to pay the hospital bill.
the problem is that the other friend who borrowed money from me years ago raised the same excuse 我晕 the only difference is that it's the daddy who was hospitalized in that friend's story.



借吧.


借吧,不过少借点儿,就是她不还你也不心疼的数量就可以了。
开会 at 9/01/2009 16:36 快速引用
That's difficult.

开会 :
元宝 :
xinyu :
元宝 :
为什么借钱啊?
先说说理由.

she said her mom was hospitalized in China and she needs money to pay the hospital bill.
the problem is that the other friend who borrowed money from me years ago raised the same excuse 我晕 the only difference is that it's the daddy who was hospitalized in that friend's story.



借吧.


借吧,不过少借点儿,就是她不还你也不心疼的数量就可以了。
xiaoqiang at 9/01/2009 16:37 快速引用
或者你就量力donate一点,让她不用还了就可以了,这样两边都开心。毕竟是人家妈妈生病了,国内看病是很贵的。
开会 at 9/01/2009 16:37 快速引用
xiaoqiang :
Lend half.

元宝 :
xinyu :
元宝 :
为什么借钱啊?
先说说理由.

she said her mom was hospitalized in China and she needs money to pay the hospital bill.
the problem is that the other friend who borrowed money from me years ago raised the same excuse 我晕 the only difference is that it's the daddy who was hospitalized in that friend's story.



借吧.



同意
元宝 at 9/01/2009 16:38 快速引用
xiaoqiang :
That's difficult.


很difficult吗? Laughing
开会 at 9/01/2009 16:39 快速引用
xinyu :
后来从别人那里听说关于她的事,她跟别人也借过钱,跟我借钱的理由是假的编造的

xinyu :
she said her mom was hospitalized in China and she needs money to pay the hospital bill.
the problem is that the other friend who borrowed money from me years ago raised the same excuse 我晕 the only difference is that it's the daddy who was hospitalized in that friend's story.

the friend who borrowed $5K from me years ago lied to me for similar reason.
how can I verify whether this friend's reason is true or not.
xinyu at 9/01/2009 16:40 快速引用
Ok, I will quit kidding. I gave it a second thought, and think she should not 借. Judging by her description, their friendship is not close enough.
xiaoqiang at 9/01/2009 16:42 快速引用
你都不信任她?那你借钱给她干嘛?
元宝 at 9/01/2009 16:44 快速引用
在能力范围以内给个数就是了, 也别想着还了,就当做好人好事了 happy
fresh_orange at 9/01/2009 16:44 快速引用
fresh_orange :
在能力范围以内给个数就是了, 也别想着还了,就当做好人好事了 happy


嗯,就是这个理
开会 at 9/01/2009 16:45 快速引用
xinyu :
xinyu :
后来从别人那里听说关于她的事,她跟别人也借过钱,跟我借钱的理由是假的编造的

xinyu :
she said her mom was hospitalized in China and she needs money to pay the hospital bill.
the problem is that the other friend who borrowed money from me years ago raised the same excuse 我晕 the only difference is that it's the daddy who was hospitalized in that friend's story.

the friend who borrowed $5K from me years ago lied to me for similar reason.
how can I verify whether this friend's reason is true or not.


如果在借钱以前,你不知道他妈生病的事,那你们也不算很close。可以不借。如果借,你自己要有个底线,就是那不回也不心疼。
Quincy08 at 9/01/2009 16:46 快速引用
元宝 :
你都不信任她?那你借钱给她干嘛?


正解 同意 support
我曾经几次借钱给人, 一个是好朋友, 还有几个虽然也不是我很喜欢的人, 可是我借的时候从来没怀疑过他们会不还. 如果你不信任这个朋友的为人那还是算了.
peachleaf at 9/01/2009 16:49 快速引用
Be aware of the anchor bias. If the number asked for is $1000, you might think $200 is ok, but if the number asked for is $5000, you might think $1000 is ok.

What's reasonable needs to be evaluated in an independent framework.

开会 :
fresh_orange :
在能力范围以内给个数就是了, 也别想着还了,就当做好人好事了 happy


嗯,就是这个理
xiaoqiang at 9/01/2009 16:50 快速引用
你觉得她有能力还吗? 她打算怎么还, 比如每个月存多少, 多少时间存够了能还你? 如果有具体计划, 她也有能力, 那可以借. 如果怕她说假可以直接要她给医院帐单的copy.
breezy at 9/01/2009 17:00 快速引用
大家说的都很对。你也要掂量一下自己,你算是她的第几号朋友。也就是说猜猜她大概都向多少人借了钱了,借了大概有多少,这些钱能治什么病,她什么时候能还这些钱。

如果你排名10名以外,那就要考察一下这位同学是否炒房炒股炒鱿鱼。

如果你最后决定借了,心理上就当是donate给咱看病的阿姨了。
Nike at 9/01/2009 17:08 快速引用
thanks to everyone who replied to me here.

please don't blame me for not trusting a friend. she's not a close friend of mine. i got to know her less than a year ago. the first time that I learned about her mother's illness is yesterday evening when she phoned me to borrow money.

please don't ignore the fact that I was cheated on similar thing years ago. the other friend said her father was hospitalized (which actually never happened to her father). pei pei pei, how come she cooked up such an excuse which was a curse to her father. as a matter of fact, she borrowed money from me for gambling in LV and drugs. she was able to return the money to me 1.5 years later because she married a rich guy. they're divorced last year......

i was just afraid that I might be cheated again.

among our friends, there are quite a few friends who work in industry and make a lot more than I do. I'm wondering why she dosen't ask them for help. maybe just because of my personality. years ago, an older friend told me that the reason that girl (the girl who gambled) came up to me to borrow money was because she sees me as someone who is naive and too shy to say NO to people.

now that I've made up my mind. be cool this time. I'll tell her the other girl's story and my concern, and ask her to show me proof of her mother's hospitalization. once her mom's situation confirmed, i'll help her...
xinyu at 9/01/2009 17:16 快速引用
情况不很了解,不说了
shaojiu at 9/01/2009 17:23 快速引用
救急不救穷,看病的钱属于“穷”的范畴了吧,这个朋友打算如何还给你呢?
kittypeny at 9/01/2009 18:00 快速引用
开会 :
fresh_orange :
在能力范围以内给个数就是了, 也别想着还了,就当做好人好事了 happy


嗯,就是这个理

嗯,我可记住你们的理了
我最近要买大件,什么时候咱们谈谈?
ShenyangRen at 9/01/2009 18:22 快速引用
我晕 要是200块都要考虑给不给,1000块怎么可能OK
量力而行祝你好运

xiaoqiang :
Be aware of the anchor bias. If the number asked for is $1000, you might think $200 is ok, but if the number asked for is $5000, you might think $1000 is ok.

What's reasonable needs to be evaluated in an independent framework.

开会 :
fresh_orange :
在能力范围以内给个数就是了, 也别想着还了,就当做好人好事了 happy


嗯,就是这个理
fresh_orange at 9/01/2009 19:38 快速引用
不太觉得是好办法,到时候借了钱还不落好。如果关系一般,找个借口拒绝了好了,比如说你的钱都在401K账户内。

xinyu :
thanks to everyone who replied to me here.

please don't blame me for not trusting a friend. she's not a close friend of mine. i got to know her less than a year ago. the first time that I learned about her mother's illness is yesterday evening when she phoned me to borrow money.

please don't ignore the fact that I was cheated on similar thing years ago. the other friend said her father was hospitalized (which actually never happened to her father). pei pei pei, how come she cooked up such an excuse which was a curse to her father. as a matter of fact, she borrowed money from me for gambling in LV and drugs. she was able to return the money to me 1.5 years later because she married a rich guy. they're divorced last year......

i was just afraid that I might be cheated again.

among our friends, there are quite a few friends who work in industry and make a lot more than I do. I'm wondering why she dosen't ask them for help. maybe just because of my personality. years ago, an older friend told me that the reason that girl (the girl who gambled) came up to me to borrow money was because she sees me as someone who is naive and too shy to say NO to people.

now that I've made up my mind. be cool this time. I'll tell her the other girl's story and my concern, and ask her to show me proof of her mother's hospitalization. once her mom's situation confirmed, i'll help her...
MorningMoon at 9/01/2009 19:46 快速引用
kittypeny :
救急不救穷,看病的钱属于“穷”的范畴了吧,这个朋友打算如何还给你呢?


看病算急的吧。算不算穷,要看是否用于救穷,有没有能力还上。
WoJian at 9/01/2009 21:20 快速引用
我看,首先是判断出那不属于连借条都不需要打的朋友关系。那就是说,如果决定借,要打借条。

我认为因为心理阴影而变不借了,那世界上的好人会消失得太快了。当然心理阴影要解决,跟朋友说开去了,属于相互理解,我觉得这办法行。证明的要求也不一定需要太严格的那种,看情况判断。也提一下还钱的时间和来源,看看怎么个说法。

最怕借钱给人去赌了,反而是害了人家。反正如果能当面谈谈,察言观色,你应该能有自己的判断的。
WoJian at 9/01/2009 21:31 快速引用
不了解你这朋友的具体情况,不过如果真是急用,几千刀,可以贷款,甚至拖欠一下credit也能过去。看起来你也不太相信她的理由,看你们的关系了,如果So So, 找个理由别借了,或者少借一点。也别问她要什么proof,是真是假都得罪人。打借条不管用的,她要还不了(假设她不是不想还),你能怎么样?我姐夫的一个同学曾借过他们几万,说的理由很正当,还打了借条,可回头就找不着他人了,钱当然也没了,后来知道他赌博。
有过几次教训,吃了几次亏后,觉得朋友间借钱这种事能免就免。有人说了,借钱给别人就要做好要不回来的准备。
wanger at 9/01/2009 21:34 快速引用
说No有那么难么?何苦给自己遭罪。这次给你个机会学说No。

xinyu :
thanks to everyone who replied to me here.

please don't blame me for not trusting a friend. she's not a close friend of mine. i got to know her less than a year ago. the first time that I learned about her mother's illness is yesterday evening when she phoned me to borrow money.

please don't ignore the fact that I was cheated on similar thing years ago. the other friend said her father was hospitalized (which actually never happened to her father). pei pei pei, how come she cooked up such an excuse which was a curse to her father. as a matter of fact, she borrowed money from me for gambling in LV and drugs. she was able to return the money to me 1.5 years later because she married a rich guy. they're divorced last year......

i was just afraid that I might be cheated again.

among our friends, there are quite a few friends who work in industry and make a lot more than I do. I'm wondering why she dosen't ask them for help. maybe just because of my personality. years ago, an older friend told me that the reason that girl (the girl who gambled) came up to me to borrow money was because she sees me as someone who is naive and too shy to say NO to people.

now that I've made up my mind. be cool this time. I'll tell her the other girl's story and my concern, and ask her to show me proof of her mother's hospitalization. once her mom's situation confirmed, i'll help her...
tigerphd at 9/01/2009 22:46 快速引用
俺就说钱让家里人都买股票了。句号。
smilhaNew at 9/02/2009 09:15 快速引用
Based on "she's not a close friend of mine".
Just NO is my suggestion.
A doller is still a doller.

I borrowed 40k 3 years ago, the minute I asked the minute I got the check because he trusted me.

In your situation, say "NO" won't hurt you.
祝你好运 祝你好运 祝你好运
jk at 9/02/2009 10:27 快速引用
同意

jk :
Based on "she's not a close friend of mine".
Just NO is my suggestion.
A doller is still a doller.

I borrowed 40k 3 years ago, the minute I asked the minute I got the check because he trusted me.

In your situation, say "NO" won't hurt you.
祝你好运 祝你好运 祝你好运
xiaoqiang at 9/02/2009 10:48 快速引用
其实想开来是满简单的,
你之所以烦脑,是因为她是你满重要的朋友。
感情好的话,她又急用钱,数目又不大,几千而已,朋友一场,能帮则帮
钱可以再挣,好朋友不好找。
如果觉得有必要,立个借倨。
情到,义到。
mojito at 9/02/2009 12:10 快速引用
借钱是比较容易伤感情的事情,如果处理的不适当,双方都会受伤。
这个事情上实在是多一事不如少一事。

当然,如果是死党那种,就算是赔钱也没什么,花钱认清一个跟自己息息相关的人,很值得。
如果是泛泛之交,还是算了吧,拒绝的借口有很多种,真的假的都行。不过没必要让别人知道你不信任他/她。
也别把这件事情跟自己的做人原则啥的挂钩,不相干的事情。做人难,做个好人更难,做一个...
何苦呢~
thinkhard at 9/02/2009 12:21 快速引用
我的死党一般都认识我父母,如果父母生病一定要借钱,实在不行了向他们借我觉得还说得过去,因为他们也希望我父母健康。否则头脑正常的人借几千块钱的时候应该最先想到银行吧。
blueZ at 9/02/2009 13:06 快速引用
元宝 :
你都不信任她?那你借钱给她干嘛?
没错,我只借钱给我信任的朋友,当然,那也要写借条 Success
ilazxfe at 9/02/2009 13:35 快速引用
我和朋友间互相拆帐借钱也发生过几回,都是说好一定时间(一星期,一个月,半年都有过),数额从几千到两三万。说好利息。一般是支票换支票,但这些只发生在很了解有偿还信誉和能力的朋友之间。

应急救穷也有过,但都是拉上几个共同的朋友,我牵头凑个几千元,平均每人几百块吧,都是打着不用还了。

也有一次不借的情况,还是个大学一起疯玩过有交情的铁杆哥们儿,他要借几万元凑买房子的首付,但因为他当时虽有phD在手但几年来从未正式找过工作,生活一直很laid back并有妻小儿女。和几个哥们儿商量了一下,觉得这小子短期内不会有偿还能力的,大家手里能打水漂心态的闲钱也许几个人能凑个一万,多了对别人的生活和精神都会是负担。于是我被指派去做恶人向朋友解释......一个很费劲尴尬的经历,offer的一万这哥儿们也没要。后来说想出了其他办法.....这哥们儿出来混比较晚,又一直没有过按部就班的房奴生活,互相理解起来还是有些麻烦的。希望拖家带口地做上几年房奴好校区奴儿女大学奴后能够理解其他哥儿们当年不得不turn down他的苦衷......
cwood at 9/02/2009 13:53 快速引用
大概是我比较穷,跟我借钱的人都借不多,多了也借不到。不过前一段有人因急借钱,借$250,我说250不够吧,借你300吧。 Laughing
rogerlee at 9/03/2009 11:09 快速引用
其实要看对朋友的了解的。如果是不太懂事的朋友,不懂得朋友之间最好没有金钱来往的,那其实最好是不借。如果是很懂事的朋友,人家好不容易开口,就代表了已经是没办法的办法了,去做的事情又不属于昏了头博命翻本之类的事情,那最好是借。

但借钱的时候,会找借口的吗?而不是说直接说出真实的借钱的理由?看起来我还是阅历不够。
WoJian at 9/03/2009 11:32 快速引用
再谢谢大家的中肯建议!

趁着天气不冷也不热的节气,借劳动节长周末,我请了10天假带父母出去旅行。半个多月没上生活网。有几位同学的跟贴,今天才看到。

跟大家汇报一下:一分钱没借!因为我认识她时间不长了解不深,就从其他朋友那儿侧面了解了一下,发现她挺不靠谱的,借钱的缘由和事情来龙去脉有些令人生疑,具体细节我就不透露了,万一这里有人认识她呢。跟她比我熟的、比我有钱的朋友都没借钱给她,我就不当糊涂好人了。

谢谢楼上每一位跟贴出主意的ID,帮我从多个角度思考问题。(不知道shaojiu写了什么又删了,我小小遗憾一下下。) 人生江湖经验值就是这么积累起来的吧!
xinyu at 9/21/2009 15:16 快速引用
我晕。 这好贴怎么没看到。 知道以后向谁借钱了。

rogerlee :
大概是我比较穷,跟我借钱的人都借不多,多了也借不到。不过前一段有人因急借钱,借$250,我说250不够吧,借你300吧。 Laughing
leefd at 9/21/2009 15:20 快速引用
leefd :
我晕。 这好贴怎么没看到。 知道以后向谁借钱了。

rogerlee :
大概是我比较穷,跟我借钱的人都借不多,多了也借不到。不过前一段有人因急借钱,借$250,我说250不够吧,借你300吧。 Laughing

OK. rogerlee, could you please lend 300$ to this girl who "needs money to pay her mother's hospital bill"? Please, xing xing hao!
xinyu at 9/21/2009 15:24 快速引用
leefd :
我晕。 这好贴怎么没看到。 知道以后向谁借钱了。

rogerlee :
大概是我比较穷,跟我借钱的人都借不多,多了也借不到。不过前一段有人因急借钱,借$250,我说250不够吧,借你300吧。 Laughing


co- Laughing
wildcrane at 9/21/2009 15:25 快速引用
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