还是掷骰子 5/23/2005 22:58
最近和几个婚姻上有不幸经历的朋友聊天, 我们有一个共同的发现, 古代凭父母之命, 媒妁之言缔结的婚姻, 其幸福或否的几率和当今自由恋爱造就的婚姻没什么差别. 婚姻全凭运气, 包办婚姻是别人替你掷骰子, 而自由恋爱是自己掷骰子, 反正都是掷骰子, 概率差不多也就不足为奇. 唯一的区别就是自己掷骰子, 赌输了无话可说, 无人可怨. 造化偏要给人一个叫爱情的东西, 你以为是为爱情才婚姻, 其实它是为婚姻设置的. 你以为有了爱情就会有美满姻缘, 可所谓美满姻缘世上还是很少, 是概率论所说的小概率事件. 当年学统计时老师告诉我们, 小概率事件不会发生. 我想在此修正一下, 如果是小概率事件, 就不要期待它发生.
突然觉得自己已快要看穿人生造化, 参透男女玄机了.
[quote="wanger"]最近和几个婚姻上有不幸经历的朋友聊天, 我们有一个共同的发现, 古代凭父母之命, 媒妁之言缔结的婚姻, 其幸福或否的几率和当今自由恋爱造就的婚姻没什么差别.totally agree! support
婚姻全凭运气, 包办婚姻是别人替你掷骰子, 而自由恋爱是自己掷骰子, 反正都是掷骰子, 概率差不多也就不足为奇. 唯一的区别就是自己掷骰子, 赌输了无话可说, 无人可怨. 造化偏要给人一个叫爱情的东西, 你以为是为爱情才婚姻, 其实它是为婚姻设置的. 你以为有了爱情就会有美满姻缘, 可所谓美满姻缘世上还是很少, 是概率论所说的小概率事件. 当年学统计时老师告诉我们, 小概率事件不会发生. 我想在此修正一下, 如果是小概率事件, 就不要期待它发生. this is not right, even event with 1% possibility could happen because the sample size , the condition may change... smile
simple at 5/23/2005 23:26 快速引用
错。

自主婚姻幸福的当然比包办婚姻幸福的多。完美的婚姻没有,但幸福的很多。

是我们选择了幸福,而非幸福选择了我们。

我周围90% 以上的夫妻都很幸福。只有少数人选择了不幸, 你可不能以偏慨全, 应该充满信心 Surprised
molly at 5/23/2005 23:33 快速引用
我对Wanger的看法有疑问。很多人光注意结婚前如何选择,而忽视了结婚后对婚姻的培养。掷骰子好像把结婚之后的婚姻生活看成了定局。现实生活中,婚姻生活是一种动态。两个人都在变化。而如何协调这两种动态,从而达到幸福而又持久的婚姻。这就取决于两个人婚后的努力了。

你是否觉得我说的有点道理呢? smile
fresh_orange at 5/24/2005 00:17 快速引用
应该与婚姻幸福的朋友多聊聊天。

wanger :
最近和几个婚姻上有不幸经历的朋友聊天, 我们有一个共同的发现...
Johann at 5/24/2005 10:22 快速引用
...
zeno at 5/24/2005 10:47 快速引用
fresh_orange :
我对Wanger的看法有疑问。很多人光注意结婚前如何选择,而忽视了结婚后对婚姻的培养。掷骰子好像把结婚之后的婚姻生活看成了定局。现实生活中,婚姻生活是一种动态。两个人都在变化。而如何协调这两种动态,从而达到幸福而又持久的婚姻。这就取决于两个人婚后的努力了。

你是否觉得我说的有点道理呢? smile


support support

再加一句:男人是女人培养的,女人是男人培养的. smile 所以也许寻找的该是好种子,而不是好苹果.
WoJian at 5/24/2005 11:04 快速引用
simple :
当年学统计时老师告诉我们, 小概率事件不会发生. 我想在此修正一下, 如果是小概率事件, 就不要期待它发生. this is not right, even event with 1% possibility could happen because the sample size , the condition may change... smile

靠,你们统计老师,啧啧。。。概率为零的事件也是可能会发生底,因为那是概率事件。一定不可能发生的事件是必然事件,不是概率事件。 Laughing
allalone at 5/24/2005 11:29 快速引用
allalone :
simple :
当年学统计时老师告诉我们, 小概率事件不会发生. 我想在此修正一下, 如果是小概率事件, 就不要期待它发生. this is not right, even event with 1% possibility could happen because the sample size , the condition may change... smile

靠,你们统计老师,啧啧。。。概率为零的事件也是可能会发生底,因为那是概率事件。一定不可能发生的事件是必然事件,不是概率事件。 Laughing

Laughing theory is much dif from fact. wink
simple at 5/24/2005 12:23 快速引用
seems very few.... Sad
maybe depends on definition of 幸福
Johann :
应该与婚姻幸福的朋友多聊聊天。

wanger :
最近和几个婚姻上有不幸经历的朋友聊天, 我们有一个共同的发现...
simple at 5/24/2005 12:26 快速引用
WoJian :
fresh_orange :
我对Wanger的看法有疑问。很多人光注意结婚前如何选择,而忽视了结婚后对婚姻的培养。掷骰子好像把结婚之后的婚姻生活看成了定局。现实生活中,婚姻生活是一种动态。两个人都在变化。而如何协调这两种动态,从而达到幸福而又持久的婚姻。这就取决于两个人婚后的努力了。

你是否觉得我说的有点道理呢? smile


support support

再加一句:男人是女人培养的,女人是男人培养的. smile 所以也许寻找的该是好种子,而不是好苹果.


since it's 种子, who knows how it grows up? still a bit like 掷骰子. Laughing I guess 掷骰子 mentioned above means which person is selected to be married with, not the life after marriage.
simple at 5/24/2005 12:32 快速引用
老赵说得对。

姐姐你总和婚姻不幸的聊天儿,自然受到很多NEGATIVE的影响。不幸福不快乐的人总想找人倾诉痛苦,而那些婚姻好快乐的大多数忙着过小日子,应了古人的那句话:人平不语,水平不流。所以我们这些站在围城之外的人常会听到围城里发出的痛苦的声音。如果那些婚姻中快乐人,都积极释放传播快乐的信息;如果那些在婚姻里有过教训的人,都能意识到不是婚姻的结构失败,而是自己的判断失误;不是婚姻有问题,是自己把握婚姻的能力有问题的话,那么,这世界一定比现在更单纯,更有序,更美好。
ANNIE,PEACHLEAF多给点POSITIVE的声音噢 wink

我是POSITIVE的。SHARE几篇文章吧。
http://shenghuonet.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php3?p=43303#43303

结婚前要睁大眼睛要多些理智。结婚后要两个人要经常用心交流一起同步成长,就象Fresh_orange说的那样:现实生活中,婚姻生活是一种动态。两个人都在变化。而如何协调这两种动态,从而达到幸福而又持久的婚姻,这就取决于两个人婚后的努力了。

Johann :
应该与婚姻幸福的朋友多聊聊天。

wanger :
最近和几个婚姻上有不幸经历的朋友聊天, 我们有一个共同的发现...
Greentea at 5/24/2005 13:02 快速引用
If you make efforts to enjoy the process together, it doesn't matter how the ending is. And the ending is probably not gonna be bad if you enjoyed the process. It's quite different from rolling a dice.

-- 路痴语录
LuChi at 5/24/2005 15:07 快速引用
Thanks for your response, friends. But don't get me wrong. I got the conclusion about posibility from people I know, and almost all married people I talked to agree with this conclusion, no matter happy or unhappy. Marriage is lottery, no matter 包办婚姻 vs 自由恋爱. actually, in old times, 媒人is a career with official certificate, they did lots jobs, like background checking, to improve success of marrige. Still, there are too many things that you can't control. This conclusion is not about positive or negative, but a fact. My point is, the probability does exist and therefore, no guarantee. How to get along with another one depends on both of your personality. Since your personality is determined, the most important thing is to find the right one. This is the hardest thing. I wish everyone, including myself, find such person while the probablility told us that many people can not, at least on the first time. Positive atitude can help to deal with, but not change, a fact. If you're catched by bad luck, it's not your fault.
wanger at 5/24/2005 16:36 快速引用
基本同意. 人的性格脾气年纪大了都成型了, 改不了的, 不要试图按照你的愿望要去改变一个人...

wanger :
Thanks for your response, friends. But don't get me wrong. I got the conclusion about posibility from people I know, and almost all married people I talked to agree with this conclusion, no matter happy or unhappy. Marriage is lottery, no matter 包办婚姻 vs 自由恋爱. actually, in old times, 媒人is a career with official certificate, they did lots jobs, like background checking, to improve success of marrige. Still, there are too many things that you can't control. This conclusion is not about positive or negative, but a fact. My point is, the probability does exist and therefore, no guarantee. How to get along with another one depends on both of your personality. Since your personality is determined, the most important thing is to find the right one. This is the hardest thing. I wish everyone, including myself, find such person while the probablility told us that many people can not, at least on the first time. Positive atitude can help to deal with, but not change, a fact. If you're catched by bad luck, it's not your fault.
xy at 5/24/2005 16:45 快速引用
wanger :
Thanks for your response, friends. But don't get me wrong. I got the conclusion about posibility from people I know, and almost all married people I talked to agree with this conclusion, no matter happy or unhappy. Marriage is lottery, no matter 包办婚姻 vs 自由恋爱. actually, in old times, 媒人is a career with official certificate, they did lots jobs, like background checking, to improve success of marrige. Still, there are too many things that you can't control. This conclusion is not about positive or negative, but a fact. My point is, the probability does exist and therefore, no guarantee. How to get along with another one depends on both of your personality. Since your personality is determined, the most important thing is to find the right one. This is the hardest thing. I wish everyone, including myself, find such person while the probablility told us that many people can not, at least on the first time. Positive atitude can help to deal with, but not change, a fact. If you're catched by bad luck, it's not your fault.


这样说好像只说明你的心理离美满还差得挺远的,有很多要学的呢。

再怎么说都是没用的,从别人嘴里听到的没有切身体会,还是要从实践和失败中才能成长。如果说一上来的第一个就一定能碰到合适的,那确实是掷骰子,但如果越谈越糊涂,那就是一个个人长进的问题了。
WoJian at 5/25/2005 00:06 快速引用
wanger :
Thanks for your response, friends. But don't get me wrong. I got the conclusion about posibility from people I know, and almost all married people I talked to agree with this conclusion, no matter happy or unhappy. Marriage is lottery, no matter 包办婚姻 vs 自由恋爱. actually, in old times, 媒人is a career with official certificate, they did lots jobs, like background checking, to improve success of marrige. Still, there are too many things that you can't control. This conclusion is not about positive or negative, but a fact. My point is, the probability does exist and therefore, no guarantee. How to get along with another one depends on both of your personality. Since your personality is determined, the most important thing is to find the right one. This is the hardest thing. I wish everyone, including myself, find such person while the probablility told us that many people can not, at least on the first time. Positive atitude can help to deal with, but not change, a fact. If you're catched by bad luck, it's not your fault.


Marriage, as long as I have the freedom of choice, I don't mind taking responsiblity. That is why I always prefer the marriage of own decision than the arranged marriage.

Without the evidence of sample size and sample representativenss given by your friends' stories, I will still agree with you that probability of "feeling happiness" may not differ significantly in the two groups.
People just get bored, after dating a same person for whatever years. Something called chemical will finally be gone before you notice it. But love or marriage is not all about passion. What is it? I have my definition, you will have yours.

As long as you make your decision, whether you are single or married, whether the marriage is arranged, you are your own boss. Don't you feel good about it? wink
coco at 5/25/2005 07:00 快速引用
非常同意wanger的观点,自由恋爱,和包办婚姻,幸福的概率是一致的

我一直抱着一个类似的观点,我的观点是这样的:
“和任何人结婚,幸福的概率都是一样的。”
另一种说法是
“擦亮眼睛使劲看,使劲考验对方,还不如不看,幸福的概率都一样”


当然我的任何人,指的是异性,年龄相当,外表,性格,家庭教育等。基本一致。只要条件差不多,幸福不幸福,看造化了。who knows
foxtrot at 5/25/2005 17:47 快速引用
几个自己认为婚姻不爽的人在一起讨论
越讨论越觉得不爽
讨论完了就认定全世界都是不爽的
这就是很简单的三人成虎的道理。

Wanger你一个没结婚的
跟几个自己认为婚姻不爽的人一起讨论
讨论完了你也觉得婚姻基本就是不爽的
这就是很简单的近朱者赤的道理。


大家说我总结得对吧?
(带头鼓掌先~~~啪啪啪啪啪啪啪)


为了彻底卸下你思想上的包袱
Wanger,
let me talk to your friends.
I can help.
Success
Annie at 5/25/2005 20:42 快速引用
Greentea :
老赵说得对。

姐姐你总和婚姻不幸的聊天儿,自然受到很多NEGATIVE的影响。不幸福不快乐的人总想找人倾诉痛苦,而那些婚姻好快乐的大多数忙着过小日子,应了古人的那句话:人平不语,水平不流。所以我们这些站在围城之外的人常会听到围城里发出的痛苦的声音。如果那些婚姻中快乐人,都积极释放传播快乐的信息;如果那些在婚姻里有过教训的人,都能意识到不是婚姻的结构失败,而是自己的判断失误;不是婚姻有问题,是自己把握婚姻的能力有问题的话,那么,这世界一定比现在更单纯,更有序,更美好。
ANNIE,PEACHLEAF多给点POSITIVE的声音噢 wink

我是POSITIVE的。SHARE几篇文章吧。
http://shenghuonet.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php3?p=43303#43303

结婚前要睁大眼睛要多些理智。结婚后要两个人要经常用心交流一起同步成长,就象Fresh_orange说的那样:现实生活中,婚姻生活是一种动态。两个人都在变化。而如何协调这两种动态,从而达到幸福而又持久的婚姻,这就取决于两个人婚后的努力了。

oops
其实结婚以后的爽和不爽,只有当事人自己清楚。如果A把不爽的经历抱怨给B听,那B听到的只可能是A's side of the sad story。也许B永远也不会听到A's spouse's side of the sad story,所以B不能下结论说A的抱怨是justified,更不能以之为论据来推断其他。

Furthermore,存在即合理,A的婚姻事实本身,基本说明其一定也有很多爽的方面,否则A怎么会结婚呢?就应了GreenteaMM说的人平不语,也可能怕说出来被看成炫耀,尤其在B是单身的情况下,所以B基本不会听到A的happy story
Annie at 5/25/2005 20:56 快速引用
Happiness is a Journey, not a Destination
by Crystal Boyd

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're still frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire. The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.

Decide to be happy anyway.

Treasure every moment that you have and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting...

Until your car or home is paid off
Until you get a new car or home
Until your kids leave the house
Until you go back to school
Until you finish school
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married
Until you get a divorce
Until you have kids
Until you retire
Until summer
Until spring
Until fall
Until winter
...Until you die.

There is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination!
zeno at 5/26/2005 13:33 快速引用
衰 衰 衰

You have to know that the expectations are different.

People who are willing to accept parents' choices are very different from those who are looking for themselves. You have to know who you really are before you can find your happiness.

rose rose tongue Laughing
BigBear at 5/26/2005 22:22 快速引用
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