• segmentation
  • 注册于:2004-09-20
  • 帖子:753
  • 所在地: 火星
发表于: 8/12/2004 13:01 发表主题: Entertain myself
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-Greek officials say they are ready for the Olympics, but they'd be more ready if they had more of a head start. More of a head start?! Didn't Greece have the first Olympics like 2500 years ago? How much more time do these people need?

-And today the terror threat in Vegas was raised from "who cares" to "not interested".

-President Bush appointed a new CIA Director. Congressman Porter Goss of Florida. Porter Goss. Sounds like something Arnold Schwarzenegger would say at a filling station. "Yeah, pour-da gas, I must go! Pour-da gas!"

-John Kerry was at the Grand Canyon yesterday. He said he wanted to go some place that made his head look smaller.

-John Kerry met with leaders of the Navajo Indian Tribe over the weekend. Kerry said the Indian people have been disrespected in the past, and, under his administration they will be treated with the dignity and reverence that they deserve. Then he got in his Jeep Cherokee and drove away.

-It happened again. In Kentucky another teacher was accused of having sex with her student. And the kid was home schooled!

-Record heat wave here today in Los Angeles. What was it? 102? I was sweatin' like the Lakers when they heard the word "trade".

-Actually shouldn't it just be Laker now, isn't Kobe pretty much the only one left?

-For the first time John Kerry has crticized President Bush's reaction on 9/11. John Kerry said if he were reading to children at that moment he would have told then he had something important to attend to. Let me tell you something - if John Kerry was reading to children, first he would have to wake them up. "Kids I gotta go now...kids?!...kids?!"

-In a huge upset, Ralph Nader has failed to gather enough signatures to get on the ballot in California. How embarrassing is that for Nader? You can't get on the ballot in California? Remember our governor's race? Imagine finding out you're not up to the legal qualifications of porn star Marey Carey or Gary Coleman. They were on the ballot!

-Scientists announced today they have successfully cloned domestic housecats. Hopefully, this will end that tragic housecat shortage.

-Alice Cooper's pet python needed emergency surgery after it swallowed a heating pad. That's how you know you might be getting too old for rock-n-roll...when your snake eats your heating pad.
  • tutu
  • 注册于:1969-12-31
  • 帖子:12434
  • 所在地: MA
发表于: 8/12/2004 13:06 发表主题:
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Go, Jay Leno! :D :D :D :D